Monday January 10th 2011– Access denied!

Pink sky in the morning heed the desk-slob’s warning! Oh, yes, we’re set for cyber cyclones this time.

 Look Tree, I know you’ve probably had a terrible day of it out there, but it’s been pretty yucky in here today. In fact, it was a bit like a day trip to Jupiter. This is not great if you simply need things like oxygen and water to survive.

Still, even gas and liquids become irrelevant if you forget your password.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not actually confessing to being at fault here. I downloaded some compulsory software to prevent anyone accessing my system and what can I tell you? It’s supremely effective.

I was locked out of my own PC and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was more terrified. My poor adrenals were blasting their mammoth-dodging valves off and it was all I could do to avoiding spearing the screen with a rogue coat hanger. Access denied, yes, but only into my virtual cave. This, for me, is much worse. I’m a pretty good camp builder, or at least I used to be, so I’d be alright for a few minutes without a real cave. Yet without my virtual shelter I felt utterly helpless. For a few seconds it felt like the end, there was an eerie whirring and I thought perhaps the machines had finally turned...

Fortunately, I managed to get through to a nice man at the Helpdesk and he was extraordinarily patient and kind. The only problem was that he wanted me to use the phonetic alphabet.

‘Erm... M...for...er... Muppet. U is for...’ Then it started in my head, ‘Wah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah’, ‘Uptown girl?’

I do not know this ‘international system’ and I happen to think it a little bit weird when people assume I do. People don’t suddenly ask me if I could read out authorization codes in Russian, but they’d probably get a better response.

I hate to be sexist, but boys do seem to know this strange sequence of words. Perhaps it’s posted above the urinals in public lavatories. Well, I suppose that could have been worse, I could have said ‘U’ for urinal.

Tragically, I did say ‘D’ for ‘doggy’, but we managed to get there eventually. The system has been restored and although I’m now afraid to turn it off, it’s all good now.

Interestingly, what is also all good now is the Internet connection. It’s been marvellous! I have been able to visit other people’s blogs and everything! I know it’s only temporary, but sometimes, especially on a Monday that began with a pink sky... you’ll take what you can get.

In other good news is: ‘Madame Breath of Death’ has left the kitchen. I know Hoobiz didn’t change anything and I couldn’t find it. So I can only conclude that the smell was emanating from:

A - Something that Bernard has now eaten.

B-  An Atkins obsessed poltergeist.

Or

C – A kiss from The Big Ugly.

Votes please!