Sunday, 19 December 2010

Sunday 21st November 2010 - The Big Ugly!

It’s pretty impressive that despite the biting cold, my Tree still has a few leaves and I’m not just talking about the Ivy-collar. I mean look at the bottom of the photo, genuine Tree leaves! Well what is most impressive is that a bumbling Techno-Wally like me has managed to find the zoom button.
It’s not that all things digital and new-fangled scare me - they just don’t interest me. Don’t get me wrong - I’m delighted when they work and make life simpler; I just don’t want to read or talk about them. Hoobiz spent over a year reading articles about the ‘iTablet’, fascinated by every titbit of news or opinion. It just makes me cross. It’s either happening or it’s not and I don’t see what’s exciting about waiting for it. For about 13 months my proviso on any conversations with Hoobiz was ‘Only if it isn’t even vaguely related to anything technical’. Well I’m not quite that harsh, but he was restricted to a daily 15 minute time limit.
I do actually love to know how things work. Cassettes used to enthral me and I can be captivated by the workings of a clock or even an engine, but this invisible trickery is all a bit too Shazam for me. I can’t see it, have no chance of fixing it and so use it only on the understanding that we are not friends.
When I look at this picture of The Tree it forces me to remember that the day actually started out really well.  The Little Perfect One decide to treat Hoobiz and I to a lie in. 7:45, yes quarter to eight, fantastic! Breakfast, which is usually a raucous battle of toast and yoghurt, was an effortless giggle-fest and this was followed by a typically wonderful phone call from Simona. The scene was set for a laid-back Sunday.
‘Best get these presents started’, said Hoobiz armed with the iPad, (OK, yes, it is a very beautiful and useful thing). An Internet outing is required for The Little Perfect One first Christmas and for Boxing Day, his first Birthday. Naturally all of the gift ideas are contained in a variety of different lists: ‘Christmas’, ‘TLPO’s Christmas’, ’Birthdays’, ‘TLPO’s Birthday’ and of course ‘Presents for TLPO’. We just needed to search, click and buy.  Then we’d head out to the park and after a brisk walk be re-carbing on roast potatoes in the pub by lunchtime. Or so we thought...
Unfortunately, we didn’t have any connection. Well to be accurate, technically we did have connection, just not any through-put. The point is that is that it stopped working this morning and now, as I am thinking of getting into my Pyjamas, it’s still not working.  
Hoobiz spends half an hour on the phone to The Big Ugly reporting the fault and is told he would be called back in an hour.
Two and half hours later, even the patient Hoobiz is fed up. He calls back, only to spend another half an hour repeating all the answers of his first call. Hoobiz is told he will receive a call back in thirty minutes.
One and a half hours later, The Big Ugly call back and before he can lug the PC downstairs and spend an hour confirming various checks, Hoobiz must first be subjected for the third time to all of the initial questions. This is due to the fact that ‘there are limited notes on this case.’ However, Hoobiz is now assured that all of the records have been updated. Phew! Also changes will be made to correct the fault and he will receive a call back between 5:30pm and 7pm to confirm that all is running as expected. Happy days!
At 8:30 Hoobiz calls The Big Ugly and is again asked to repeat all of his previous information. Apparently, it is ‘imperative to confirm that all of the information is current’.  From our experience of The Big Ugly the irony of this statement burns deeply, as I dig my nails into the palms of my clenched shaking fists. ‘Insufficient! Unacceptable! Useless! Totally unacceptable!’  I’m raging in the doorway, but Hoobiz waves me away, gesturing quite deftly that he really doesn’t need to contend with me as well as The Big Ugly.  Hoobiz is asked to be ‘patient’ and allow 24 hours for the  ‘changes’ to update. He is also instructed not to ring again as this will ‘confuse the case and could result in a delayed resolution.’
Why this again now? Just over two months ago we had huge issues with The Big Ugly and now they’ve ruined another Sunday.
Did you know that Internet and Broadband are not the same thing? Arrrh! Did you know that this techno-voodoo is just supposed to work?
 I shall not name The Big Ugly, they know who they are.  After our last battle; ‘Bring down The Big Ugly’ became number 26 on that week’s Master List. I’m not quite sure what that means. Maybe all it means is that we will one day switch suppliers, as I would imagine that with my Luddite leanings I am unlike to mastermind the creation of The Big Ugly’s Ultimate Competitor.  Still it’s a nice dream...

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