Monday, 30 May 2011

Saturday February 19th – The Hate Game.

I hope there aren’t too many people who adhere to that old adage of ‘if you can’t think of anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.’
How dull and inanely maddening is that? I am twitchingly cross at the very thought of it and strangely being a bit angry has lifted my poorly spirits far more than Pollyanna’s glad game.
I actually think I might have hit upon something here. I am not talking about tragedy, injustice or dreadful wrongs, but the little things that make you wince and shake with fury.
Perhaps even the things you ought to like but can’t stand, like salmon or Forest Gump.
Or those vile, bitty snippets that can strike the day like a paper-cut at the base of your thumb. Oh! Polystyrene! How I love to hate you!
A positive mental attitude is a beautiful thing, but right now I’m enjoying a good old rant. My head is alive with the sound of monsters.
Here are a few of my least favourite things:
1.      The phrase ‘Smile it might never happen’. This is grammatically hideous and far more annoying than the more directly irksome, ‘Now, you didn’t want to do that.’ It’s a logic that I just can’t follow, if I tried to, I would find myself shouting a strangers in the middle of winter, ‘Get your woollies off! It might not be that cold.’

2.      Goat’s cheese. I just haven’t ever been able to enjoy eating a leathery arm-pit. I absolutely love goats and one day even hope to own a few, but my Good-Life fantasy won’t stretch to milking them. In fact, it is one of Bat’s favourite games, that even the mere mention of ‘Curry Goat’ will result in my uncontrollable retching. It sounds harsh, but apparently it’s hilarious.

3.      Washing lines. I wish I could be in love with line-dried linens, but I’m not. I long to be green and wholesome, but battering towels about in the tumble drier renders them fluffy and delicious. When I hang them out to dry, they return like stale biscuits -adorned with flies, spiders or bird poo.

This is working, you know. I am feeling distinctly warmer and more human.
Perhaps, sometimes a little of what you don’t fancy does you the world of good!

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