Tuesday February 8th – Get it Together!

I can’t blame Tuesday. I can’t blame anyone. Well, I can blame myself, but I don’t think that’s going to help.

It’s like being late for a train, on a Siberianly cold day, in nose-bleedingly high heels. Oh and they’ve had a burst pipe and your platform is the furthest across the glacial station. You can see where you need to be, but slipping and sliding all over the place you’ve got bugger all chance of getting there.

I want to get fitter, but I seem to be doing less and less exercise. I want to be leaner, but I seem to be ingesting more and more cake. Where more is less and less is more, but absolutely not in a good way, that’s where I am.

Need to turn the corner and get back into the groove without finding myself in a rut. First step is to stop thinking in clichés!

Monday February 7th – The Ghost of the Big Ugly

Well today it feels like the perfect occasion to offer a Big Ugly update.

To be honest, (and that’s what this February is all about), there isn’t one.

Well, at least I don’t have new information from the Big Ugly. They’ve gone all Big Hush.

Seriously, not a peep since the last instalment, nearly a month ago now: http://www.meandthetree.com/2011/03/saturday-january-8th-2011-shock-horror.html

Well, they tried to phone on Monday the 9^th, but I was on a call and couldn’t answer. We missed them again when they called in the evening and they tried once more when I was picking up The Little Perfect One on the Tuesday afternoon.

We still had connection, so it didn’t seem in our best interests to ring them back. That’s pretty much how it’s continued. It’s stupidly superstitious, but I feel very shaky about saying it’s all OK now. Jinx! Jinx! Forget asking, this is begging for trouble! It’s like running under a trio of ladders, stepping on all the cracks and bumping into a lone magpie with a broken mirror in his beak!

Yet, I do find it odd. We spent months listening to a choir of bored voices singing the ‘it will be sorted in the morning’ hymn. However, we had basically no internet connection until the tortured Complaints Manager’s rousing solo of ‘There is no permanent fixture.’

 It’s a bit of an uneasy solution, knowing that we were promised it couldn’t last.

Sunday February 6th –– Just Messing About in Quotes.

The elements are being a little less stroppy today, but I’ve decided I’m still not going to brave the dummy run. I have loads of time, after all, and next weekend is looking like a much better option. It’s closer to the real thing for starters and I’ll be more likely to remember the route. I’m not great with sat navs. Besides, I am far too busy.

Good grief, I have even done a bit of scribbling!

We’ve had a glorious day of pottering, sorting, playing, tidying and riffling. I am not sure exactly what has been accomplished, but it’s been wonderful.

In the words of Bertrand Russell:

‘The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.’

Saturday February 5th – Smug for the sake of it

Oh Tree, I do feel sorry for you out there being shouted at by that bitter wind. This is quite a nasty old tantrum Mr Gusty Pants! Calm down, pull yourself together and behave like the polite little breeze we know you can be.

I love telling the weather off. I am not sure if it’s a particularly British thing, but it’s heaps of fun and absolutely everyone can have a go. If you have not lectured the skies before, I urge you to give it a whirl!

‘Naughty, naughty clouds! Get down from there immediately! I am so disappointed in you. Get out of my sight!’

I should be doing a dummy run today. Yes, the ‘assimilation seminar’ is creeping up on me and I do, quite literally, need to get myself in gear. I don’t think I have driven on the motor way since The Little Perfect One was born and it’s something I could really do without.

Still, the 15^th is absolutely ages away really and besides it’s far too ghastly out there today.

‘Honestly rain! How many times do I have to tell you? Just stop it! Stop it now! I am going to count to three...one...two..two and a half...’

Friday February 4th – Start as you mean to go on... My First Confession.

I’m sorry that it’s such a mucky old day for you out there, my Tree. It’s really not fair, as I am having a cracking time in here. I have delicious flashbacks of yesterday’s listathon to keep me warm and let’s not forget that it’s Friday!

It’s a bit naff, but the best thing about going back to work is rediscovering the dazzling whoosh of that Friday feeling!

Of course, there is also the scramble of a Sunday evening to contend with and that creeping dread of a Monday morning alarm. Yet, today is a whole weekend away from those dreary pests. Indeed, The Cure had it all sewn up with ‘Friday I’m in Love’.

It’s as if, even if just for a moment, nothing else matters. Well, nothing that is, except the facts...

Come on Marcella! Stop stalling! Take a big breath and get those clumsy fingers of yours tapping out the truth for once.

Well it was only a little lie, but back in November, (or December when it was actually posted) I introduced our beloved cat Bernard: http://www.meandthetree.com/2010/12/saturday-20th-november-2010-grey-sky.html

‘Dern-nod!’ The Little Perfect One squeaks excitedly pointing at the massive Siamese cat bounding into the living room. ‘Dern-nod! Dum! Dum! Dern-nod!’ Bernard has been amazing with The Little Perfect One, but he’s not quite ready to ‘Dum’ when called. Bernard pulls up abruptly, his long gloved legs scrambling hopelessly into a pirouette and he skids bottom-first into the back of the sofa. The Little Perfect One is delighted by this, blowing raspberries and bouncing on his knees. Bernard has now settled indignantly on the sofa and is licking his bits in protest. ‘Idiot cat’ says Hoobiz and our laughing signals a ceasefire in The List Wars for today.’

It’s quite ridiculous really, but Bernard is not actually a Chocolate point Siamese, but a Red Burmese cat. This, I would expect, is an irrelevance to most people but, it’s funny where a lie can lead or, in fact, where it stops you going. Bernard is one of the family and his manic antics dictate much of our daily lives. Yet, he has hardly featured in this blog. That is partly because I was uncomfortable with him not being quite my Bernard. Daft, I know. I am not now expecting every post to include Bernard’s point of view, but at least now it won’t be deliberately avoided.

When I was planning this blog, my intention was to be able to write honestly, freely and about absolutely everything. It was essential not to feel constrained by anyone or anything. The only way to do that is to be impossibly bold and strong or take my route and be vaguely anonymous.

Yes, I’ve altered a few names, but not all of them and not greatly. This is often desperately annoying, as the real ones are so perfectly suited. I considered moving The Little Perfect One’s birthday and even toyed with idea of introducing him as a baby girl – I just couldn’t do it.

Some facts, it seems, are hard coded and it would be compromising too far to hide them under a few tweaks. However, it makes me laugh at those minor details which I thought needed to be amended in order to protect my identity.

One was Bernard and the other whopper was the nationality of my in-laws. In http://www.meandthetree.com/2011/01/sunday-november-28th-2010-das-barbie.html I introduced my Helmut and Bridget. I described Helmut, my farther in-law:

 ‘When not claiming to be the world’s first International, Helmut likes to declare himself a German-Australian-turned-Brit. However, if there’s a rugby game or cricket match then it’s Australia all the way. Also, he believes that there is only one way to cook and that’s the Barbie. Today, despite the freezing temperatures, was no exception to the Barbie Rules, well, rule.’

This is utterly true, except for the German or the Australian bit. Helmut, Bridget, Hoobiz, Axle and Fizz are South Africans. Bridget grew up in an Anglo-Irish Catholic family and Helmut was born in the Netherlands, but his first language is Afrikaans. Das Barbie is in fact, the Braai.

It’s strange that I decided it essential to conceal these random specifics. It’s not really a passport and a driving license, but clearly I thought it too revealing to admit to a Burmese cat and a South African husband. Very odd, but in a way it’s not the first time I’ve looked at myself through these slightly tipsy glasses.

Once, I would have been defined by endless buckets of black coffee and log piles of Marlborough reds. That was many years ago now, but I think I continued smoking for a few more years than I wanted to simply because I felt that part me was capped in an orange filter.

There, that’s marvellous. I already feel lighter and more cleansed. This is so much better than those detox plans that involve nothing but 72 hours of spring water and beetroot juice. The first day leaves you with a glass splintering headache, bad breath and a savage desire to bite people.

Sorry for fibbing, I was just being a bit of twit.

Thursday February 3rd – Happy New Year!

Thursday February 3^rd – Happy New Year!

This is horribly tricky. When I am given free reign with a pen and paper to write a list of things I want, need, must or even might do, it can all get a bit messy.

It sort of reminds me of when children play super heroes. The powers get more and more extreme and the actual rescuing and action is replaced with a string of, ‘no stops’.

‘No! Stop! Pretend you hadn’t seen that because I was too fast for you to even look at!’

‘No! Stop! You can’t touch him remember he’s made of anti-ice!’

‘No! Stop! I’d already decided to use my laser blaster and so you can’t cross there!’

It’s probably great fun if you are an invisible fire-breathing super being with no limits. In fact, it’s probably essential. However, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve probably played far too much in my 35 cape swishing years and zapping the baddies isn’t exactly what I should be doing right now.

The thing is that making a list of resolutions should ultimately be about getting things done, not stopping, starting, changing the rules and forgetting that you can’t actually fly. That just leaves you with a lot of insane scribbles and inky fingers.

I am still not sure how general to be without being vague and wiffley or how precise to be without setting myself up to fail. Anyway, this is what I came up with:

The Standard List 

(Applicable in all weathers and costume. This is my typical ‘must try harder’ package.)

1.      Be more organised.

2.      Be on time.

3.      Get fitter.

4.      Live more (dream/worry less)

5.      Be faster (more efficient, less ditsy and step away from the procrastination parade.)

The 2011 List

(This started off as a week by week plan and fortunately I decided to move to monthly after about week 5. This is certainly ambiguous in places, but if I hadn’t have stopped I would still be dabbling in the details and likely to miss a deadline of January 2015.

The reasoning behind this list is that at certain times we feel more one way than the other.  I know that we are all different, but for me, I tend to be most productive first thing in the morning and last thing at night. I sprint better when it’s warmer and I jog better when it’s cool... well better for me. Better in this example is actually best described as less awful. Still, perhaps I am more shocking at some things in May and less frightful at others in October. That’s the theory.)

1.      February – Confess and cleanse. (A detox by any other name? Well this one is more mind than body.)

2.      March – Start running. (Both literally and figuratively, but not away from things that I actually need to face – in that I’m already a triple black belt and further practice is not required right now.)

3.      April – MOT (My car’s MOT is due on April 16^th so it seems a good a time as any to remind myself to check in as well. Of course there’s that health screening I keep thinking I’ll do a bit later, that ‘life audit’ I read about months ago and haven’t found the time for and the pet insurance that’s still in my maiden name. I could have called this action ‘bits and pieces’ but in this instance MOT might stand for ‘Most Overlooked Material’. Maybe I’ll even get round to cleaning those poor make-up brushes!)

4.       May – Work, Rest and Play. (Now this has very little to do with managing the daily grind and eating masses of Mars bars. There is a part of me that thinks by May I should really be able to manage my time better. I mean I will have been back at work for over 4 months! Still, this is really a prompt for me to ensure that I am getting what I need and not just going through the motions. I have a few playful ideas floating around and May might just be the month to nab myself a crazy dream-catcher and pluck one or two of them out of the clouds.)

5.      June – Enjoy! (This should be on every list and I will be sure to include it  in as many as possible. I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before – ‘Things to do Today’ – 1. Enjoy! Clearly it’s perfect as it is, but the reason for assigning this specifically to June is that it looks like there will be a lot going on. On the work front, June is the chosen month for the big changes to ‘go live’. I am just thinking about this now and my breathing has immediately become shorter and faster. It’s that horrible dizzy feeling of dread. Worrying about it incessantly doesn’t help to prepare you for tomorrow, it just strips away the joy you have today. That’s one of the reasons for ‘enjoy’.  Even if the worst does waltz in, I’ll have been sure to enjoy every dance up until that one and then continue to keep moving my feet as well as I can. More obviously, ‘enjoy’ is for the other events of June - I have 10 days of blissful holiday booked, 7 of these will be spent in a cottage by the sea with Hoobiz, The Little Perfect One, Bat and Simona. It’s our wedding anniversary and then my birthday at the end of the month.)

6.      July –Make The Most of It! (Well it’s that time to head into the second half of the year and whilst the days are slowly fading they are a lot longer than they are at almost any other time of the year. I’m good at a bit of half-way wobbles, so I need to remember that the year is actually half-full. Besides, even if I’m not at the mid-way marker, there’s still time if I ‘Make The Most of It’. A perfect time to remind myself to grab hold of it and squeeze out every last drop of golden shine. Get up, get out, get doing and get happy!)

7.      August – Tell The Story. (Yes, that would be the tale of the Seven Bitches. It started at the end of August 2002, so it’s only fitting that August should be the month to get it all out in the open.)

8.      September – Bring in the Crops! (Great things may have grown and if so they will need to be harvested. The truth is that I am not a consolidator by nature, in fact, I am horrible at it. Bundling loose ends up together just about finishes me off! I love starting something, but completing it is a very different skill. It’s a bit like saying goodbye somehow and I hate it when it’s time to leave. Of course if there isn’t a bumper yield, I’ll still need to till the fields and get my hands dirty finishing the job.)

9.      October – Don’t be a Pumpkin! (Days are becoming a lot less fashionable as we drift into the winter months, but that’s not an excuse to slow down and hide under a big jumper! You know you feel better when you make an effort. So, do it!)

10.   November – Remember! Remember! (This is very much a personal prompt rather than a reference to Guy Fawkes and his gun powder. Remember what you need to do and most importantly remember to do it! That’s what I’m hoping this will tell me...well, if I need it! No more deciding to make cards on Christmas Eve and posting them in the middle of January for me! I will be organised for New Year and the swarm of birthdays that follow it. I will have considered things like replies, baby sitters and booking holiday. I will know that the car insurance is due, the boiler needs a service and have non-summer clothes to wear. Oh and shoes! Yes, unless we have some freaky weather I’ll need to remember that it’s time to pack away the sandals. I do love having my big feet out, but there is a time and a place. Bring out the party shoes!)

11.  December – Stay Calm and Take it as it Comes! (The festive season can sometimes rush at me like a sparring blur of panic and regret. I suspect it’s like that for a lot of people. It’s that wicked old harlot – expectation! She just loves to throw her sweaty thigh boots into the ring. Well, that’s exactly the madam I want to avoid this year. To be honest, the madam I really want to cross of the Christmas guest list is the one I become when I just spin around worrying about what I haven’t done. I think it will be a lot merrier for all!)

12.  January – Review. ( Ha! Ha! I think that’s just my way of saying that I can’t actually think that far ahead.)

The Wish List

This is the one I’m just not brave enough to share.

Well, you know what they say about wishes... best not say a word.

Wednesday February 2nd – New New Year’s Eve.

It’s not a big celebration, but I am here with 3 of my favourite things and I am happy:

1 – Glass of wine.

2 – Note Pad.

3 – Pen.

Hoobiz is also happy... well, he is when he learns that this list marathon will have absolutely no impact on him.